Lots of love and gratitude to all who’ve been part of my adventure. It wouldn’t have been the same without you… :)

“What a random thought… I still like them though.”
That was my own reply in my mind just before it
was time to stand up and honor the king.

“To defeat the darkness out there, you must
defeat the darkness inside of yourself.”
A wizard shared his wizzdom and I agreed. :)

”You doubt your value.
Don’t run away from who you are.”
That lion is a bright one.

Afterwards I went to my favorite massage girl.
Whoever said that you can’t buy love,
hasn’t received a proper massage.

She made my shoulders melt and
I cried silently, discretely wiping away the tears,
as I thought of you and how you’ve touched my heart.

Many, many times I’ve shared how grateful I am
for the abundance of amazing people that I meet.
Today I faced my sorrow from numerous goodbyes.

I admitted to myself that every new wonderful relation
carries with it another heartbreaking farewell.
I am so lucky to have so many people in my heart.

It was a bittersweet sadness, a calm moment,
faces & feelings flashing through my mind.
You still make me smile.

The power of goodbye
can be overwhelming at times.
Yet it’s worth every single tear.

I’m so grateful that you’re part of my journey,
– you , you and you. I think of you often.
Hopefully you can feel my love.

Thank you!

Aah, interesting! I feel like an electron. I’m “interfering” with myself quite often, surprising myself with patterns seemingly creating themselves, sometimes stunning, amazing and awesome beyond what I could create on my own.

When feeling observed, though, something shifts and I feel how my consciousness shrinks and I become as open as a rock – not very, that is. Reminds me of a conversation with Daniela tonight, compared to a convo with a friend of dad’s later on.

I also think about how my writing and exploring comes down to observing things that are somewhat non-observable. When I look directly at it, or when I try to explain it to someone, it disappears, shifts, goes away or looks like nothing.

When I write and explore with an open heart, I sense – and in some ways, on rare occasions, I believe that I capture – something magical and profound and very, very valuable.

That’s what keeps me going, with great curiosity. That, and the fact that when I’m writing and exploring I’m experiencing the deepest satisfaction and a level of fulfillment I don’t have the words to describe.

Keep it coming!

This is part of the way,
a waiting place,
a space in between
inhalation & exhalation.

This is a place for no creation,
home of no performance,
absolutely nothing,
really.

Nothing to produce,
no building blocks,
no thing at all,
truly.

I am a blank sheet
and I am the pen.
Right here, right now,
I write my own experience.

My arms wide open,
embracing the wind of change,
I let myself go,
dancing in the fog.

Copy, Paste
I visualize my body being as open as my mind. It feels natural. My body is already there in spirit, the related part of my mind still locked. My concept of Me is standing in the way.

Beach. Sand. Rain.
Mind like water.

I’m sure it’s possible to copy, paste
dancing to jogging
freethinking to freerunning

Body like water.
Flowing with.

One moment. Be it. Express it!

—

Updated Welcome text
Driven by the desire to make a difference I set out on a 610-day journey, starting May 1st 2009. Since I started this project the goal “from December 31st 2010 I’m giving away $100 000 per month to projects empowering millions of people worldwide” has kept my mind busy: “how?” & “why?” & “who?” & “where?” & “when?” – and “what the… have I gotten myself into?” :)

I’ve approached the goal via a broad variety of perspectives, angles, countries, cities, environments, conversational partners and whatnot. I wanted to find my core drive, to find that thing in the very essence of myself, the reason for this outrageous experiment that I’ve put myself in the middle of. I wanted to understand what I was doing and why, instead of just “completing a task to live up to the expectations I’ve triggered”.

Now, more than 17 months into this adventure, the pieces are finally finding their places in this gigantic mental puzzle. As the big picture becomes clearer I smile with a deeper feeling of calmness. I see fragments I’ve caught glimpses of along the way, I see them connect with each other, forming a pattern, a whole, that makes perfect sense. :)

I remember saying in the early days of the Win Win World Tour that “even if I don’t understand it fully now, I’m sure it’ll all make sense in retrospect”. How spot on that was! Little did I know how far out I’d go, how deep I’d travel, how broad I’d explore and how close the answer was all the time… Really, the core of my goal, the essence of my drive, is something so much simpler than the process of getting to this point of clarity. :)

17 months into the Win Win World Tour, for the first time so far, I truly know what I’m creating! I know why I’m on this journey, I know what it’ll lead to and I know my role in it. That’s a major turning point and it’s a major source of oxygen! :D

During the three final months of this project, October-December 2010, I’m going with the flow of my newfound clarity. I’ll be on the beach here in Thailand – immersing into that newly discovered clear space within, where answers show up when I ask for them.

As usual you’re welcome to read my mind in the blog,
where I’ll post updates when I feel inspired to do so.

Welcome to my global experiment!

—

So, that’s where I’m at. Now you know that I’m all beachy and introvert and that there will be no more Saturday Soundtrack’s or anything else that I’ve started out before. Now it’s focus and beingness, reading and writing, listening and creating.

I appreciate that you’re part of my journey. Lots of love to you!

I can never live in The Forest,
I choose to live among trees.

Mental abstraction
The word “forest” is a mental construction, an abstraction helping us to communicate, saying more with less words. It’s a way to make sense of the ever expanding flow of input we experience. “Many trees in one place” becomes “a forest”. Different forests in different places are given different labels, so we know which one is which. “The forest” becomes “The Sherwood Forest” or “The Mystic Forest” or “The Willow Forest” etc.

Making it easier to communicate
In many ways that makes it easier for us to communicate – and at the same time it makes it so much more complex. “The forest” is the kind of abstraction that can turn into a devastating illusion, when seen from a certain perspective. Now imagine that I believe that I can live in The Forest, as if The Forest was a place itself. All I want is to live in The Forest, to enjoy the freedom of nature, to have my own space to be and breathe.

Adding limiting beliefs
Then add a belief saying that there’s limited space, that there might not be enough room for everybody. Blinded by my fear of being left outside alone, terrified by my illusion of scarcity, I might start cutting down trees to make more room. The smaller the forest gets, the deeper the fear, the harder I work, the faster I cut, chop, bring down those trees, cheering myself on with one sentence on repeat:

“Once I get those darn trees out of my way,
I’ll truly enjoy my space here in The Forest!”

Triggering the survival instinct
It’s an act based on pure survival instinct, with no harmful intention. It’s a fight-for-my-life-reaction, triggered by a simple misunderstanding. Yet, if I keep rushing through my days – with an increasing speed and intensity chasing a non-existing abstraction – I may never realize that in reality I’m turning down moment after moment after moment of real experiences.

Collecting viewpoints
That’s how powerful our language is! Abstractions worded in order to make life easier, also have the power to trap us in collective illusions. I’m consistently collecting new perspectives & viewpoints because dressing one very situation in several different perspectives, shows me what true abundance is. Each moment holds the potential to be anything I choose it to be.

Abundance = access to an infinite source of perspectives, emotions, ideas, thoughts and moments. They’re all accessed by my unlimited amount of choices.

Note to self
Next time I find myself running towards That Place where I’ll finally be able to stop and breathe, I’ll remind myself that I already have access to an abundance of perspectives, through my unlimited amount of choices.

My life
I’ll also remind myself that all moments tied together by my mere existence are called “my life”. “Life” itself cannot be lived, it’s an abstraction. “Life” is definitely not something to experience at last, when all those darn moments are taken care of. “My life” is a mental construction, abstractly containing the moments from my birth to my death. In reality I’m existing in a consistent flow of Here & Now.

Here & Now
When I want a place to stop and breathe, Here & Now is That Place. When I’m longing for some time to think, Here & Now is That Time. When I have a desire to be, do, have anything at all – Here & Now is the door to fulfillment of that very desire.

Takeaway
That’s a whole lot of thoughts to remember, especially when being in Running To Stand Still mode! I’ll let all of the above kindly sink into the words I started out with. Keep it simple, right. :)

I can never live in The Forest,
I choose to live among trees.

21 Baht… That is 5 sek, which is less than 1 usd. Those are the coins I’ve been holding on to for over two weeks, thinking that it’s at least better to have the opportunity to buy something, than not having anything at all. (Anyone else remembering how to kill a spider monkey?) :)

Believing is seeing
Two small yoghurts cost 24 Baht (13 each, if bought separately). Visualizing a nice brunch on the beach in the shape of two smooth yoghurts, I payed attention to where I put my feet. During my journey I’ve found various amounts of money on streets of all continents I’ve been to. Now would be a good time for a coincidence like that.

As far as I’m concerned, believing is seeing, so I kept my eyes open. 3 Baht, dear Universe, would be very much appreciated. Reached the store, still no coins in sight. Walked in, took two yoghurts, put one back, took it again and then froze on the spot. Contemplating my options I decided that I’d bring both to the counter, staying open for solutions.

A tired angel
Behind the counter stood a girl who looked sooo tired. I first made that an excuse for myself and thought “na, maybe I shouldn’t”. I decided not to limit myself and continued. Put the two yoghurts on the counter. “24 Baht” she said. Put my coins in front of her, saying “Ouch, only have 21. I’ll put one back.”

She looked like she was about to take one of the yoghurts out of the plastic bag – and next thing she turned around, took a coin from behind her, put it into the machine, smiled and nodded. “Oh, thank you!” I said, walked out and found a place to enjoy my envisioned brunch, internally repeating “thank you, thank you, thank you” with a broad smile on my lips and a light feeling in my heart.

Fast forward
Continued my walk home, the waves licking my toes. Shower, bikini on, lunch, beach, swimming, floating, experimenting, feeling my body, “omg! I’m doing the butterfly thingy! my body does it on its own!”, floating, thinking, listening, reading my mind.

All these new sensations, the new opening, the solutions I’ve thought about, the plan, the new era. Random sentences floating in my head, following the rhythm of the waves. Smiling, laughing, swimming, breathing.

On the beach, walking, returning smiles, listening to my inner dialogue. Putting my towel on the ground and myself on the towel. “This is my home, this is where I’m letting the words out. This is my home!” Many thoughts later I put one foot in front of the other, aiming for my room again.

Serendipity
I kept reliving a couple of special moments, thinking, reading the words flowing in my mind and connecting the dots. Felt like I was skipping, lifted by my own mental lightness. And there he was. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, then looked forward, felt it, looked again and he waved me over.

A few words later I sat beside him, watching the ocean. “I like your energy, it’s like a comfy bubble” I said to him. We talked the sunset away: NYC, tattoos, social media and how we’re displaying what’s on our minds. He shared a brilliant idea of his, we talked about traveling and we sealed a promise with a handshake.

As we got up to say goodbye he said “I looked up and saw you walking on the beach. I mean, your body was there on the beach.” Then he pointed to the sky, explaining. “Your mind was up there, like a balloon flying in front of you”. I laughed and told him that it was pretty much what it felt like. How funny that he saw it too. :)

The shift
Hours of writing later. A deep breath, walking down the stairs.
“So, this is my suggestion.”
“Ok, sounds good. I fully agree with everything on that paper.”
“Yay! Feels great to have a solution!”

The notice
My energy states just before and just after the shift, was close to identical. It is so important that I’m repeating it:

My energy states just before and just after the shift,
was close to identical.

Now you connect the dots. :)

Reframe & unwind
During this one day, I’ve experienced so much. Above that I’ve gone from living in one extreme to entering the opposite (scarcity & abundance). In between two highly significant moments (the letting go & the letting in), my mind reframed itself according to my new, clean, clear intentions.

The upcoming period is a time to unwind, allowing my layers to realign themselves. It’s a time for effortless manifestations and for joyful celebrations. Reframe & unwind – that’s my world-changing model, i.e. that’s how I change my world, one step at a time. And what a world-changing day I’ve had today! :)

Yes, I know you’re out there, looking for me, thinking about me, wondering when we’re going to meet. Same thing here. Geeh! It took a while for me to become clear, but here I am. We’ll find each other with perfect timing and trust me, our magical coming together will be of epic proportions. Angel, angel, our time is now! Lol! :)

Forests & trees
Then there’s the chain of insights about forests and trees. You see, as a tree, I’m not that keen on hearing about the forest. As a unique tree among other unique trees, I prefer being climbed on, picnicked under, or chopped down and turned into a cosy camp fire.

The saying “sometimes you don’t see the forest because of all the trees” suddenly introduced me to its sibling: “you might miss out on the trees, if you allow yourself to be blinded by the forest”.

That was an eyeopener for me, who sometimes introduce myself as Ms. Big Picture. It’s definitely an art to swing between micro and macro, to go from fragment to the whole. Connection and flow, yes. Most importantly, when I’m to save a forest, I’ll hug one tree at a time. ;)

Happy endings
Gotta love them happy endings, right. I see mine now and I’m pleased with what it looks like. Got myself a bit worried earlier, caught up in the dramatic part of the movie I live. I’ve said it so many times before and I say it again: there’s no story I’m more curious about than my own life. It unfolds in peculiar ways and I love how I get to experience it from within.

I love the being-me-part more during the sunny times. When the going gets tough I’d rather watch it from a soft seat in a movie theater, while making out with someone special. But then again, how would I appreciate the true depth of my higher life, if I’d chose to deny my lower experiences?

And a little wish…
Ooh, I’m counting the days until I can dance again. Please, hold the intention that I’ll be swinging those hips with missy k asap. Thanks! :)